what's wrong witht this bar

[stricc]

im tryin to advance my text game but im not sure what text people want.....this is a serious thread so keep ya faggotry to yaself, can someone tell me what's wrong with this punch from my last text verse.....im tryin ta figure out what direction to head in next round.......


your bars are 'sloppy' and 'forced together' it's like you're WEARIN A GIRDLE\ you're not in tha 'right shape' to 'get in this box' wit me, so prePARE FOR THIS HURDLE\ cuz you'll never 'make it thru this round' like you're tryin ta get tha SQUARE IN THA CIRCLE\ ........when i wrote it i thought tha shit was nice but everybody sayin im gon need ta step it up in tha next rounds

[Dysfunctional]

honestly? it seemed a little basic wordplay wise the punch wasn't a clean haymaker it was a nice idea just seem a bit jumbled to me. Make it thru this round wordplay the punch could've been executed way more creatively. That's all is tbh

[Erupt]

you shoulda just pm'd me homie

Like I said, Stricc. It's your builds. The concept, and actual punch were dope, really. But, people want to see relevant set ups, not only in the association to the punch, but in the multi sets, also. For instance, what does a hurdle have to do with the punch line itself, and the additional set up used in the line using this particular multi? I myself am still a victim of lacking relevant multis to the set up.

[V3numb]

builds.. and yeah next time just Chat a Heavy weight.. they all humble.. least the ones around my circle.. just hit em up whenever u see em round

[Erupt]

^aint no heavyweights in your circle tho bro.......

---------- Post added at 07:36 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:35 PM ----------

let me stop.... yeah what Venumb said, hit up someone who knows what they are talking about, which would be like 3 active texters.

---------- Post added at 07:36 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:36 PM ----------

...if even that

[V3numb]

..

i was gonna put "Moses Kazee" with a strike though it like a name off my list,, but i cant find the code

[ILLoKWENT]

Originally Posted by stricc

im tryin to advance my text game but im not sure what text people want.....this is a serious thread so keep ya faggotry to yaself, can someone tell me what's wrong with this punch from my last text verse.....im tryin ta figure out what direction to head in next round.......


your bars are 'sloppy' and 'forced together' it's like you're WEARIN A GIRDLE\ you're not in tha 'right shape' to 'get in this box' wit me, so prePARE FOR THIS HURDLE\ cuz you'll never 'make it thru this round' like you're tryin ta get tha SQUARE IN THA CIRCLE\ ........when i wrote it i thought tha shit was nice but everybody sayin im gon need ta step it up in tha next rounds

How does right shape and getting in this box relate at all to hurdle.u d9nt go in a hurdle u go over it....they kinda do as far as a vague shape resembelance. But the associations weak..u need to implement stronger connections or analogies.and yes ur tieing the reference words to ur end concept which is pretty weak. So ya relavence in setup is sorta there..

[stricc]

right shape and get in this box were leading up to tha square in tha circle and i was only using hurdle as another word for obstacle, not defending my bar just explaining my mindset when i wrote it.....but what im getting is every multi should be relevant to what was right before it??

[ILLoKWENT]

Yeah as much as possible.. ur bar was fundamentally sound. Just needs a bit more in some areas.its still constructed alot better than majority of LB texters...