Round 1: Name Jacka Vs Black-Book (Black-Book Wins Via 3-0 KO)

Name Jacka Vs Black-Book
Letsbeef Topical Tournament 2011 Round 1

House Rules Apply. Any questions, contact me.

CHECK INS ARE DUE FRIDAY (09-16-11) AT 11:59PM PST. VERSES ARE DUE WEDNESDAY (09-21-11) AT 11:59PM. NO EXCEPTIONS.
(Note: Deadlines are 1 week due to Sandman's tournament round. Other rounds will be shorter)

Line Length: 20-40 lines.



Voting Rubix
Rhyming Scheme/Flow
Vocabulary
Topic/Meaning
Storytelling/Progression
Emotion
Imagery
Poetic Techniques
Ending

GOOD LUCK

[Black Book]

All Journeys Come To An End

Since birth I heard of a reality that's not as far-fetched as it seems, Here there were violent scenes of cold bodies & splattered spleens, Plus the sound of blood curdling screams.
But I paid less heed to the tales than I did to the females who told them along with all the details, So I took off with the winds like sea sails.
Started down the wooded path of deceitful pine, Just a child with a feeble mind; not realizing the path was more sinister than when Eve ate from the evil vine.
At first it was like something I had never witnessed, I laid my eyes on beauty & riches, My head was so far in the clouds; I gave them kisses, & every day I received birthday wishes.
It continued like this for weeks at a time, So as I reflect I wonder how I failed to catch a sign that this would become a faster climb.
But the path became more wild & untamed, Above me the sun flamed & my lungs strained to keep oxygen contained.
The land became dark and cold, I walked along the path as it channeled into a dismantled area where I saw the land fold.
My body began to weaken, I lost track of the week & weekend, A voice appeared in my head & identified itself as a demon.
Then the path came to a barren plain, Evil was about & the air enflamed.
A monster appeared, & it was enraged, Massive axe in it's hand; it engaged, It acted like a lion whose been encaged.
I fought with bow as each arrow cast, but sadly I was no match, My breathing became a slow gasp, Then my life came to me in one whole flash.
Because the story is the advice I got: "Say No To Drugs" — from ice to piff.
The path was me getting high over & over, & the monster I fought was my battle to get sober.

[Name Jacka]

im fresh ''oFF THE BOAT'' do i have wings or a ''COAT?'' stumbled on to a crew of monsters as i was ''CROSSING THE MOAT'' (YO Dear Diary) my chances of escape are ''NARROW'' so i pull out my ''BOW AND ARROW'' and start shootin, im almost out of ''AMMO'' I see a ''OVERSIZED monster standing ''TWICE THE SIZE!'' i get two in his back, a few in his ''SIDE'' and another ''TWO IN HIS EYE'' and to my suprise, the motherfucker's ''STILL ALIVE!'', so when i get close enough ta chopp of them ''DREAD LOCKS'' thats when ''DEATH KNOCKS'' at you'r DOOR and ya ''HEAD DROPPS TO THE FLOOR'' so yall better press pause or take a ''PHOTO'' cuz imma bout to go ''LOCO'' on this fucking ''HOMO'' cuz the next stop's ''BLOOD AND GOUR'' cuz after this pic was taken, I WAS ''RIPPIN OFF HALF OF HIS JAW'' cuz iv'e been doing press ups none stop since the start of this TOUR to ''MORDOR/ (Dear Diary) my storie is ''BAD i was made in a ''LAB'' braught up to ''STAB'' you in the ''ABB'' (abdomen) plus any motherfucker thinking, of going ta ''RE-HAB OR MAKE A RAP OUTTA SCRAP'' YOU dont wanna ''MAKE ME-MAD''(Dear Diary) WELCOME TO (MY WORLD!) OF ''IMAGINATION''its my ''FASCINATION'' and your sudden ''INFATUATION'' CUZ you could see anything from a ''MASKING JASON'', to see me ''GRAB THE NATION'' with out ''HESITATION like im demonstrateing in the picture ''TAKEN''/ '''''DESCRIBEING'''' that its fake, do you need '''''REMINDING?''''' that this was a real monster, ''LOOK AT THE AXE, HE'S TRYING'' to kill me WITH, so i got the ''LAZER SHINING'' just tryin ta ''BLIND HIM'' but i miss and slit his wrists now his ''FIST IS FRYING'' ''PRYING'' open his chest guess both of us ''ARE DIEING'' but im not gonna REST untill this ''BITCH IS CRYING'' so ill keep on ''SUPPLIEING'' fighting, and ''SMILING'' whilst your wounds are ''WIDENING'' cuz your life is ''SLIDEING'' down ''LIGHTING'' is going out cuz im ''SLICEING'' theres no doubt that im ''SHYING'', of killing you ''NOW'' cuz im the KING so ''ALL BOW!'' or get fucked ''AND FALL DOWN'' your ''SMALL NOW'' im big, lyrics? in most ways i ''GUESS IM ALL OUT!'' so i'll just DROPP the mic say FUCK YOU and ''WALK OUT''

[Revan]

RULE Vote

Rhyming Scheme/Flow: Black Book
Vocabulary: Black Book
Topic/Meaning: Black Book
Storytelling/Progression: Black Book
Emotion: Black Book
Imagery: Black Book
Poetic Techniques: Black Book
Ending: Black Book

Name Jacka wasnt terrible, but Book swept this one.

Vote: Black Book

[Dono]

Name Jacka - that was pretty good for your first drop but I don't think you totally understood how a topical was supposed to look, sound, and communicate. Your story was very predictible and didn't have a whole lot of depth. Flow was nice and I think you could have some potential you just need to move out of the battle realm and get some experience doing topicals.
Black Book - You're getting better, I can see some serious improvement. The ending had a definite twist but I'm not sure you dual meaning story lined up all the way and some of your rhymes sound forced. It links up with the picture better and has a more coherent double meaning than the last topical of yours I read though so you're definitely on the right track.

Vote goes to Black Book

Rhyming Scheme/Flow: Name Jacka. Both really worked from a one word stand point. I think the cat came down to flow, and as he did not focus too much on other aspects, I think Name Jacka managed to snatch it up.
Vocabulary: Black Book. Not by much, but just in some areas Black was a little higher up.
Topic/Meaning: Black Book. Name Jacka took it very literal, but the story never really had much of a reason, other than the picture was provided. Book had the twists and kept onto the storyline quite well.
Storytelling/Progression: Black Book. Although not his greatest section, Black did go from a start to a finish, while Name really never had clear signs of the story advancing.
Emotion: Black Book. There were some alright emotional sections in Black's piece, but I think you should focus on this to get your feelings across to the reader. Name Jacka never really took off with this one.
Imagery: Black Book. I think Black tried more than what came across, and that's a great sign for elevation. I never got the greatest picture, but there are signs of where he tried in this cat, so when it clicks for him it will be great.
Poetic Techniques: Black Book. Some smaller metaphors took the cat.
Ending: Black Book. Good twist at the end. Reminds me a lot of how I would think for a while when I was doing topicals about a year and a half ago, and I had done a few topicals before that, so the stage your at shows a lot more progression that I was at.

GMV// Black Book. Black, with the exception of Ill Phenom, has the most potential here. He has a good work rate, is interested and is steadily improving. I think that if he makes if far enough in the tourny, he will click into the spot of being a major contender, he'll just have to have the luck of the draw to allow him the experience to make it there. Name Jacka, despite getting convincingly beat, you showed a surprisingly good verse. To be honest, no one expected you to do it right, or even to show, but you came and held your own. You had a topic and you followed it quite well. If you just switch up the style a little, more like Book's, and try to work a bit more on the emotion level, you could definently be a surprise name for the future of the division, given that you stick around long enough. Good bout guys.

KO - Black Book.

Bump for formatting.