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06-18-2012, 11:27 AM
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06-18-2012, 11:27 AM
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#41
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2829 Points / 251 Won / 68 Lost
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06-18-2012, 09:49 PM
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06-18-2012, 09:49 PM
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#43
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06-19-2012, 10:10 AM
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06-19-2012, 10:10 AM
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#44
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06-19-2012, 02:01 PM
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06-19-2012, 02:01 PM
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#45
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2829 Points / 251 Won / 68 Lost
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63 Points / 6 Won / 2 Lost
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06-19-2012, 02:51 PM
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I been told plenty of times to do it that way, i guess I'll switch it up and leave the verses out and fuck peoples criticism cuz no matter what is done criticism will always be there and for cant no speak down on my full breakdowns cuz i read i verse analyze each bar then re-read the verse so my shits theory but I'll take that into consideration well actually I'll leave out the verses...
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06-19-2012, 02:51 PM
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#46
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2829 Points / 251 Won / 68 Lost
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63 Points / 6 Won / 2 Lost
Join Date: Jul 2011
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I been told plenty of times to do it that way, i guess I'll switch it up and leave the verses out and fuck peoples criticism cuz no matter what is done criticism will always be there and for cant no speak down on my full breakdowns cuz i read i verse analyze each bar then re-read the verse so my shits theory but I'll take that into consideration well actually I'll leave out the verses...
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06-19-2012, 06:02 PM
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__________________
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06-19-2012, 08:40 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2011
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@ Dave Once again someone says my shits basically copied and pasted verses well heres proof to shut people up.... Kw0n vs Illokwent... Heres my breakdown without the verses...
Kw0n...This was a pretty decent opener but the only problem was your wording... Try typing more proper and take your time and go over your verse and fix typos cuz that will help with a much cleaner read but other then that you had some nice concepts, the illo quit shit was nice and your execution and set-ups were pretty decent....These lines were kind of hard to follow cuz of your choice of words... Your set-ups and execution here was not that strong and lacked creativity... Your multies were alright but like i said hard to follow and your concepts were basic but these lines flowed somewhat good... You should work on your structure..These lines are better then your previous but not better then your opener.... Once again i understand your verse its just your wording makes your verse look sloppy... Your concepts were decent along with your set-ups and execution... Your multies were ok but could be better and you should try showing more complexity in your bars.These lines had a lot of filler in them... The only good part was the tearing a zipper line, the rest just dragged and lacked creativity and the tearing the zipper line was still basic but i liked it but it could have been a lot stronger if worded better... Your concepts were basic along with execution and set-ups and your multies were ok..These lines weren't weak but they also were not strong at all...Good concepts and your set-ups were ok but your execution was weak... I honestly think your action figure line would have been stronger without the like kids in a twister part... Wording has been an issue for you but like i said try typing proper to help with a smoother read...Decent closer but once again wording kept it from being stronger then what it was... Nice concepts but your wording kept your set-ups and execution from being strong... Other then the filler and wording issues you had a nice verse... ILLoKWENT.......... Not too good of an opener... A lot of filler and your main punch was not set-up or executed strongly but the concept was ok... Nothing to complex here and i didn't really like the flow of your multies...These lines were pretty good.. Nice set-up and execution and the concept was ok but i would of liked to see more complexity in them but the flow to them was good..These lines were not well thought out.. Your wording wasn't good nor was the flow to them and concepts set-ups and execution was weak.. and also your multies were somewhat iffy.. These were basically filler to me...Very basic lines... Your set-up to the billy mays punch was weak which led to a weak punch plus there should have been more to it... It seems like your just trying to show off multies in these lines... Concept was ok but was not executed strongly...The way you structure your verse keeps you from showing more creativity... I liked that Fedor line... Nice set-up, good concept and also nice execution but your showing to much filler with your other lines... Try sticking to a concept for a bar rather then just a line..A lot of filler here and the canibus line was ok... Theres nothing i can really say about these lines cuz everything about them was basic.... Not weak just basic..Decent closer... It could have been worded better but it was still ok.. Multies were ok but could be better... Concepts were ok, your set-ups were decent along with execution but stay away from the filler bro...
-------------- And here are the verses...........
What’s OBSCURE’S WHAT IM SPITTIN? IS PURER THAN LIQUID. Im SURE THAT THIS SENENCE is a cigaRILLO LIT so yall tell ILLo to QUIT/ILLoKWENT coz Im da CURE FOR HIS SICKNESS!! I SCARE ILL WITH WRiTTENS one GLARE Hell wind up with UNBEARABLE VISIONS of me KILLING HIS SIBLINGS!! From BLAMMIN HAMMERS, ’stayin strapped’.. you’ll say I "BANNED/band CANCER" coz iLL GET DIMINISHED!! It's REAL AS ITS GETTIN!! TECS HEAT N hav ILL EXTINGUISHED/dead when MACS HAV em SIZZLIN like GAS IN A SKILLET his ASS'LL BE GRILLIN when I let SHOTS OUT I'll leave his 'head red' and hav niggaz bringin the 'BOX OUT' like DENNIS-N-PIPPEN!! Kw0n Spit DRAGON.. u CHIT CHATTIN step in my LAIR N GET BLISTERED I SWEAR IM DAT NICKER hav NINES SCOPIN FLESH and leave iLL 'stuck' with a 'WIDE OPEN CHEST' like TEARIN A ZIPPER!! POP ILL UP youll think I was JON VILMA coz my INTENTION'S TO INJURE!! Gunz CLAPPIN BOY.. so if it's *ACTION WITH TOYS* best bet I'm TWISTIN HIS 'FIGURE' like KIDS IN A TWISTER!! So dont make me mad coz if "I snap" Im takin 'LIDS off' ..no *WIGS IN A PICTURE*!! &&u NOT SICKENIN!! You wouldn’t bring ’truth to ya FALSE SPITTIN’ if you was FIXIN YA DENTURES!!.....nigga, ya need to OBSERVE AND LISTEN, when i SPURT THESE WRITTENS, to MERK YA SPIRIT, this HERB CANT LIFT FISTS, cause that 'lil pussy's close to featherweight' like GIRLS WIT PIDGEONS/my WORDS ARE SICK WHEN i start SPITTIN ON CUE, and RIPPIN THIS DUDE, til he's 'waste in blood' like what failed KIDNEYS CAN DO/get RID OF THIS FOOL, cause his WHACK RAPS DEALT NO BARS WIT CONCEPTS,plus noone in ya crew HAS THAT WEALTH OF SMARTS IN RHYMES WHEN ,dude couldnt 'show ARMED nice' wit BATMAN'S BELT OR SPARTAN BICEPS/i RAPE TEXT WIT SICK DISPLAYS , so bring ya GAY FRIENDS TO GIVE ME HATE, even tho none of kwons dick riders can 'carry this sham's product' like the REPLACEMENT OF BILLY MAYS/wow.. i PERFECTED MY ART to SERVE FELLAS WIT BARS,so if this NERD YELLS THAT HE'S HARD, ima 'rush-in wit the grips', like they WERE FEDOR IN SPARS/yessir, im BETTER AT GUARDS, blockin your PASSIVE PUNCH QUICK WITH MY WORDS, you LACK IN PUNS KID, I'VE OBSERVED, but if ya PRACTICE MUCH YA STILL CAN LEARN, SO i hope you 'taking some notes' like CANIBUS DID IN THE THIRD/ya RAMBLINGS SUCK BIG , MAYBE WORSE.. so you'll be the only STAR IN YAH CREW,cause noone wants to 'kick it wit kwon', unless its the MARTIAL ARTS MOVE....
Either way my full breakdowns will be done without the verses just so people hop off.. 90%?? lol
---------- Post added at 07:40 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:19 PM ----------
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~£OSSOUL~
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Done and next!!
Last edited by Phenomonon; 06-19-2012 at 08:39 PM.
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06-19-2012, 08:40 PM
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#48
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Basic Text Record
2829 Points / 251 Won / 68 Lost
Exclusive Text Record
63 Points / 6 Won / 2 Lost
Join Date: Jul 2011
Voted:
61
audio / 1115
text
Posts: 2,591
Mentioned: 1068 Post(s)
Tagged: 48 Thread(s)
|
@ Dave Once again someone says my shits basically copied and pasted verses well heres proof to shut people up.... Kw0n vs Illokwent... Heres my breakdown without the verses...
Kw0n...This was a pretty decent opener but the only problem was your wording... Try typing more proper and take your time and go over your verse and fix typos cuz that will help with a much cleaner read but other then that you had some nice concepts, the illo quit shit was nice and your execution and set-ups were pretty decent....These lines were kind of hard to follow cuz of your choice of words... Your set-ups and execution here was not that strong and lacked creativity... Your multies were alright but like i said hard to follow and your concepts were basic but these lines flowed somewhat good... You should work on your structure..These lines are better then your previous but not better then your opener.... Once again i understand your verse its just your wording makes your verse look sloppy... Your concepts were decent along with your set-ups and execution... Your multies were ok but could be better and you should try showing more complexity in your bars.These lines had a lot of filler in them... The only good part was the tearing a zipper line, the rest just dragged and lacked creativity and the tearing the zipper line was still basic but i liked it but it could have been a lot stronger if worded better... Your concepts were basic along with execution and set-ups and your multies were ok..These lines weren't weak but they also were not strong at all...Good concepts and your set-ups were ok but your execution was weak... I honestly think your action figure line would have been stronger without the like kids in a twister part... Wording has been an issue for you but like i said try typing proper to help with a smoother read...Decent closer but once again wording kept it from being stronger then what it was... Nice concepts but your wording kept your set-ups and execution from being strong... Other then the filler and wording issues you had a nice verse... ILLoKWENT.......... Not too good of an opener... A lot of filler and your main punch was not set-up or executed strongly but the concept was ok... Nothing to complex here and i didn't really like the flow of your multies...These lines were pretty good.. Nice set-up and execution and the concept was ok but i would of liked to see more complexity in them but the flow to them was good..These lines were not well thought out.. Your wording wasn't good nor was the flow to them and concepts set-ups and execution was weak.. and also your multies were somewhat iffy.. These were basically filler to me...Very basic lines... Your set-up to the billy mays punch was weak which led to a weak punch plus there should have been more to it... It seems like your just trying to show off multies in these lines... Concept was ok but was not executed strongly...The way you structure your verse keeps you from showing more creativity... I liked that Fedor line... Nice set-up, good concept and also nice execution but your showing to much filler with your other lines... Try sticking to a concept for a bar rather then just a line..A lot of filler here and the canibus line was ok... Theres nothing i can really say about these lines cuz everything about them was basic.... Not weak just basic..Decent closer... It could have been worded better but it was still ok.. Multies were ok but could be better... Concepts were ok, your set-ups were decent along with execution but stay away from the filler bro...
-------------- And here are the verses...........
What’s OBSCURE’S WHAT IM SPITTIN? IS PURER THAN LIQUID. Im SURE THAT THIS SENENCE is a cigaRILLO LIT so yall tell ILLo to QUIT/ILLoKWENT coz Im da CURE FOR HIS SICKNESS!! I SCARE ILL WITH WRiTTENS one GLARE Hell wind up with UNBEARABLE VISIONS of me KILLING HIS SIBLINGS!! From BLAMMIN HAMMERS, ’stayin strapped’.. you’ll say I "BANNED/band CANCER" coz iLL GET DIMINISHED!! It's REAL AS ITS GETTIN!! TECS HEAT N hav ILL EXTINGUISHED/dead when MACS HAV em SIZZLIN like GAS IN A SKILLET his ASS'LL BE GRILLIN when I let SHOTS OUT I'll leave his 'head red' and hav niggaz bringin the 'BOX OUT' like DENNIS-N-PIPPEN!! Kw0n Spit DRAGON.. u CHIT CHATTIN step in my LAIR N GET BLISTERED I SWEAR IM DAT NICKER hav NINES SCOPIN FLESH and leave iLL 'stuck' with a 'WIDE OPEN CHEST' like TEARIN A ZIPPER!! POP ILL UP youll think I was JON VILMA coz my INTENTION'S TO INJURE!! Gunz CLAPPIN BOY.. so if it's *ACTION WITH TOYS* best bet I'm TWISTIN HIS 'FIGURE' like KIDS IN A TWISTER!! So dont make me mad coz if "I snap" Im takin 'LIDS off' ..no *WIGS IN A PICTURE*!! &&u NOT SICKENIN!! You wouldn’t bring ’truth to ya FALSE SPITTIN’ if you was FIXIN YA DENTURES!!.....nigga, ya need to OBSERVE AND LISTEN, when i SPURT THESE WRITTENS, to MERK YA SPIRIT, this HERB CANT LIFT FISTS, cause that 'lil pussy's close to featherweight' like GIRLS WIT PIDGEONS/my WORDS ARE SICK WHEN i start SPITTIN ON CUE, and RIPPIN THIS DUDE, til he's 'waste in blood' like what failed KIDNEYS CAN DO/get RID OF THIS FOOL, cause his WHACK RAPS DEALT NO BARS WIT CONCEPTS,plus noone in ya crew HAS THAT WEALTH OF SMARTS IN RHYMES WHEN ,dude couldnt 'show ARMED nice' wit BATMAN'S BELT OR SPARTAN BICEPS/i RAPE TEXT WIT SICK DISPLAYS , so bring ya GAY FRIENDS TO GIVE ME HATE, even tho none of kwons dick riders can 'carry this sham's product' like the REPLACEMENT OF BILLY MAYS/wow.. i PERFECTED MY ART to SERVE FELLAS WIT BARS,so if this NERD YELLS THAT HE'S HARD, ima 'rush-in wit the grips', like they WERE FEDOR IN SPARS/yessir, im BETTER AT GUARDS, blockin your PASSIVE PUNCH QUICK WITH MY WORDS, you LACK IN PUNS KID, I'VE OBSERVED, but if ya PRACTICE MUCH YA STILL CAN LEARN, SO i hope you 'taking some notes' like CANIBUS DID IN THE THIRD/ya RAMBLINGS SUCK BIG , MAYBE WORSE.. so you'll be the only STAR IN YAH CREW,cause noone wants to 'kick it wit kwon', unless its the MARTIAL ARTS MOVE....
Either way my full breakdowns will be done without the verses just so people hop off.. 90%?? lol
---------- Post added at 07:40 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:19 PM ----------
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~£OSSOUL~
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Done and next!!
Last edited by Phenomonon; 06-19-2012 at 08:39 PM.
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06-20-2012, 02:41 AM
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