LBTT March: Wonderbred vs Dono (Title Match) - Lets Beef

**Subreal** · #1 03-05-2015, 11:29 AM

@Wonderbred vs @Dono

Rules
Verses are due Friday, March 13th.
Verses are to be posted in THIS thread.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 20-30 lines long.
Vote deductions will happen for people going over.
Voting is 3-0 KO, 3-1 TKO or first to 5.

Topic

**Subreal** · 03-05-2015, 11:29 AM

@Wonderbred vs @Dono

Rules
Verses are due Friday, March 13th.
Verses are to be posted in THIS thread.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 20-30 lines long.
Vote deductions will happen for people going over.
Voting is 3-0 KO, 3-1 TKO or first to 5.

Topic

**Dono** · #2 03-13-2015, 11:12 PM

I'm losing touch with what's real, just feel but can't distinguish
There's a mask of green which distracts, can't match the scene bits
With facts or reasons but the moon laughs from overhead
He lacks respect so I haven't slept while halfway rolled in bed
Cold and sweat, he lights a match, flames envelop my cranium
As heat expands, pressure mounts, developing alien
and rapid thoughts like an astronaut using Boyle's Law
To launch rockets from my skull, which I don't enjoy at all
Images of that half moon against black; blue - bright reflection
The man within with a placid grin, he likes attention
Torturing like he could hopefully bring frightful vengeance
For always being second to the sun, a sign of menace
I sigh with penance, resigned to hellish bodily function
There's hissing in my ears, so appears an awful assumption
The dynamite there; they've tried to light - I find my plight
Increases by the moment, oh shit, I might cry tonight
In each facial orifice they've placed an ordnance
And displaced my organs with these painful horrid cysts
It's hard to breathe and every part of me is artfully
Out of order, loud disorder reigns, I cough audibly
Then it seems the puke is drowning in a sea of mucus
Body aches, no such thing as easy movements
But as I swim, I wonder if I might live or just give up
Because before it passes, more batches must erupt
It'll hit a peak, then within a week return to normal
Natural regulation, the process sure is formal
This happens yearly, the whole experience is nothing new
But god damn, I can't wait to get over the fucking flu

**Dono** · 03-13-2015, 11:12 PM

I'm losing touch with what's real, just feel but can't distinguish
There's a mask of green which distracts, can't match the scene bits
With facts or reasons but the moon laughs from overhead
He lacks respect so I haven't slept while halfway rolled in bed
Cold and sweat, he lights a match, flames envelop my cranium
As heat expands, pressure mounts, developing alien
and rapid thoughts like an astronaut using Boyle's Law
To launch rockets from my skull, which I don't enjoy at all
Images of that half moon against black; blue - bright reflection
The man within with a placid grin, he likes attention
Torturing like he could hopefully bring frightful vengeance
For always being second to the sun, a sign of menace
I sigh with penance, resigned to hellish bodily function
There's hissing in my ears, so appears an awful assumption
The dynamite there; they've tried to light - I find my plight
Increases by the moment, oh shit, I might cry tonight
In each facial orifice they've placed an ordnance
And displaced my organs with these painful horrid cysts
It's hard to breathe and every part of me is artfully
Out of order, loud disorder reigns, I cough audibly
Then it seems the puke is drowning in a sea of mucus
Body aches, no such thing as easy movements
But as I swim, I wonder if I might live or just give up
Because before it passes, more batches must erupt
It'll hit a peak, then within a week return to normal
Natural regulation, the process sure is formal
This happens yearly, the whole experience is nothing new
But god damn, I can't wait to get over the fucking flu

**Wonderbred** · #3 03-14-2015, 01:57 AM

Ready for Takeoff

I ready for takeoff as oxygen ignites
A flame comes out--wait, what now?-- it sparks a little light
A feeling stabs at my stomach that’s sharper than a knife
Knowing soon I’ll be in a place that’s darker than the night
This feeling’s so strong, who knew what could go wrong from one faulty little pipe?

They say that right before a giant event’s the best time to reflect
So I sit here wondering why my life is a mess
Why I’m depressed, why my wife up and left
I know I fucked up my teens, it stuck in my dreams, but I made everything right and was blessed
I was clean for years until I did one line and regressed...

Eventually I got my kids pulled up from me
I went to court just to plead, but in the end she got sole custody
I started asking around like, “Can I smoke something please?”
Pretty soon my home was the streets, I had no luck it seemed

I have nowhere to go today, no home to stay
Life lost its luster and as a whole became dull and gray
Turn to someone, ask “Can you please light this?”
Countdown to takeoff, I hear the voices echo T-minus

I feel like I’m gonna explode as I put the pipe to my face
I get high and it’s great, take a hit and in the next instant I’m flyin through space
And I know I’ll end up in a place that’s darker than the night
This feeling’s so strong, who knew what could go wrong from one faulty little pipe

**Wonderbred** · 03-14-2015, 01:57 AM

Ready for Takeoff

I ready for takeoff as oxygen ignites
A flame comes out--wait, what now?-- it sparks a little light
A feeling stabs at my stomach that’s sharper than a knife
Knowing soon I’ll be in a place that’s darker than the night
This feeling’s so strong, who knew what could go wrong from one faulty little pipe?

They say that right before a giant event’s the best time to reflect
So I sit here wondering why my life is a mess
Why I’m depressed, why my wife up and left
I know I fucked up my teens, it stuck in my dreams, but I made everything right and was blessed
I was clean for years until I did one line and regressed...

Eventually I got my kids pulled up from me
I went to court just to plead, but in the end she got sole custody
I started asking around like, “Can I smoke something please?”
Pretty soon my home was the streets, I had no luck it seemed

I have nowhere to go today, no home to stay
Life lost its luster and as a whole became dull and gray
Turn to someone, ask “Can you please light this?”
Countdown to takeoff, I hear the voices echo T-minus

I feel like I’m gonna explode as I put the pipe to my face
I get high and it’s great, take a hit and in the next instant I’m flyin through space
And I know I’ll end up in a place that’s darker than the night
This feeling’s so strong, who knew what could go wrong from one faulty little pipe

#4 03-14-2015, 01:13 PM

Will be back to vote on this. Sick verses from both of you.

03-14-2015, 01:13 PM

Will be back to vote on this. Sick verses from both of you.

#5 03-14-2015, 05:54 PM

ill be back too

03-14-2015, 05:54 PM

ill be back too

**Insuppressible** · #6 03-14-2015, 10:19 PM

Dono: The delivery of your verse was flawless. The transition between each multi-set was done fantastically. The build up to the ending was cool metaphor for someone being sick, literally the way u feel haha. Boyles Law was integrated nicely, it made sense and tied in well. I like to add that you didn't make it conspicuous what the topical was about i.e. when you actually revealed what it was the readers isn't left scratching their head.

Wonderbread: Really diggin your verse. The way you took the drug approach was fresh. That is the pipe/dynamite & its link to the picture shit was crack. The build up was dope too. First stanza set the scene for the topical, and once you hit the second stanza things really started to pick up form for the rest; a drugs impact on a person.

Overall: both did their thing. Dono had the ongoing flow w/ excellent use of multies & vocab while Wonderbred had that storytelling complexity.

MVGT - Dono. I believe this battle will come down to preference. Just felt like Dono brought more to the table here. Good topical gents good luck.

**Insuppressible** · 03-14-2015, 10:19 PM

Dono: The delivery of your verse was flawless. The transition between each multi-set was done fantastically. The build up to the ending was cool metaphor for someone being sick, literally the way u feel haha. Boyles Law was integrated nicely, it made sense and tied in well. I like to add that you didn't make it conspicuous what the topical was about i.e. when you actually revealed what it was the readers isn't left scratching their head.

Wonderbread: Really diggin your verse. The way you took the drug approach was fresh. That is the pipe/dynamite & its link to the picture shit was crack. The build up was dope too. First stanza set the scene for the topical, and once you hit the second stanza things really started to pick up form for the rest; a drugs impact on a person.

Overall: both did their thing. Dono had the ongoing flow w/ excellent use of multies & vocab while Wonderbred had that storytelling complexity.

MVGT - Dono. I believe this battle will come down to preference. Just felt like Dono brought more to the table here. Good topical gents good luck.

#7 03-14-2015, 10:45 PM

I thought both did well , and wrote a piece that correlated to the picture well. One distinction i noticed, one that is more aligned with my preference, is the use of vocab, which i thought one had more of a display of it and determined my vote.

Dono

03-14-2015, 10:45 PM

I thought both did well , and wrote a piece that correlated to the picture well. One distinction i noticed, one that is more aligned with my preference, is the use of vocab, which i thought one had more of a display of it and determined my vote.

Dono