::..Rupt Rates You..:: - Lets Beef

**ILLoKWENT** · #17 10-15-2014, 02:23 AM

@Student

Chico may talk about "Fake Stacks" and "Large Steel, Moving" but he's just referring to movies with BANK FORGERS and speaking of cash...his verse? I couldn't even make "Heads Or Tails" of it like BLANK QUARTERS!! setup was fairly relavent wit the whole cash concept, the problem i had wit the first line tho was how wordy it was.... 26 syllables including the first multi set... that hurts flow and turns a verse more into just writing paragraphs....yes it fits more content in, but you need to learn to use less words to get your idea across, your punch line idiom was decent.. problem here is any mention of heads or tails and using quarters as a flip has been played out for a long time.

this guy's the "Biggest Joke" look at his WORTHLESS acCOUNTS enough to SERVICE A TOWN so you'd think he'd be just fine but he still can't "Build Up" a punchline while I'll just "Go For The Jugular/Juggler" to kill this CIRCUS CLOWN!!broken multi set here..wit circus clown being 3 syllables.. hurts the rhythm of the bar here.. second line here again too wordy, when i read it my mind keeps expecting another multi set to lower the line count..and keep flow.. i couldve said your whole bar like this... this guys the 'biggest joke' wit enuf WORTHLESS ACCOUNTS to SERVICE A TOWN, so if ya try 'tossin anything' to HURT ME IN ROUNDS, i'll 'go for the jugular' like some CIRCUS HAS FOUND another PURPOSE FOR CLOWNS..

I'm a classy island killer but when I say my lines'll "Wrap Around His Neck" or "Fold His Chest" I don't mean LEI'S OR LAPELS and he's deadly? nah only time he see's "Ass Ass Inns" is going to GAYLORD HOTELS!! again very overy long setups, waaayyy too wordy... you dont need 'classy island killer' shits just filler that doesnt really further your concept and seems to be just thrown in there to connect LEIS.... you couldve stayed simple and say 'wrap around his neck' , but i aint OFFERIN A LEI.. also the setup here was prolly your worse as far as relavence to your end punch.. what is the main idea here ? your ridiculing the fact that he thinks he's deadly... or that hes a faggit....so stick wit one of those ideas in the setup and follow thru... the end wordplay was very forced and got even more whack when flippin wit GAYLORD HOTELS..there is an actual gaylord hotel, which is a subsidiary of the marriot,and has absolutely no relavence to anything homoerotic.. prolly your worse bar here

he may talk about his "Shit Being Smooth" but that's just his BOTTOM LOTION and you beating me? please..."Don't Kid Yourself" like CONDOM SLOGANS!! this was a fairly decent short bar setup.. setup wise, wasnt feelin it much.. yeah its somewhat relavent cause translating it, your sayin that he claims to have a smooth verse, but he dont , so beating you is a fallacy.. this i get, but you couldve been alot more relavent and hit wit a stronger build.even wit short bar.. i'd have said think you 'got me covered'?yeah, only for the COST OF LOTION, so fuck ya NOVICE NOTIONS, cause them 'raps wont protect you' unless its a CONDOM SLOGAN/..

I'm Student but I ought a be TEACHING CLASS talking bout' READING MAPS cause I'll put a "Red Stripe Through His Center" like this costa RICAN'S FLAG!!this bar was aight, nothing major, straight and to the point.. plus he bit on the last tournament and to that there's no STEEP OPPOSITION everyone knows those lines you quickly "Ripped Off” without CHEAP CIRCUMCISION!! last line.this bitch wanna "DICK AROUND" Ri:can catch a beat down like that meltdown wit CHRIS BROWNlike the relavence in setup here, punch was weak and basic imo.. ripped off doesnt relate too well with cheap circumcision..you need to tie it to a closer relation that is still an entrende..closer was a let doWN here.. seems like you got lazy and rushed this one... i see where you were implyin ri =rianna.. but the wording made it pretty statementish and boring...

PUNCHES: 5.5 okay punchlines and concepts were okaish, they just werent too creative and out of box for my liking... not to say that you had alot of potential big hits, the wording took them down a notch,

PERSONALS:3 i saw one attempt at nameplay, and a rican flag reference which seemed more like an afterthought than a punchline... rest couldve been aimed at anyone..

MULTIS/FLOW/SCHEMEWORK: 5 wasnt bad, pretty decent , not too complex, just stay away from the wordy setup lines...

CREATIVITY/SWAG: 5.5 again, nothing really stood out to me.. almost paint by the numbers safe type of bars here... but they were fairly polished so slightly above average...

TOTAL:4.75 personals brought down what wouldve been a slightly above average verse here..ive seen you do some very good bars on occasion, but this one wasnt one of those efforts.. my advice is work on shorter more concise wording, and personals...

**ILLoKWENT** · 10-15-2014, 02:23 AM

@Student

Chico may talk about "Fake Stacks" and "Large Steel, Moving" but he's just referring to movies with BANK FORGERS and speaking of cash...his verse? I couldn't even make "Heads Or Tails" of it like BLANK QUARTERS!! setup was fairly relavent wit the whole cash concept, the problem i had wit the first line tho was how wordy it was.... 26 syllables including the first multi set... that hurts flow and turns a verse more into just writing paragraphs....yes it fits more content in, but you need to learn to use less words to get your idea across, your punch line idiom was decent.. problem here is any mention of heads or tails and using quarters as a flip has been played out for a long time.

this guy's the "Biggest Joke" look at his WORTHLESS acCOUNTS enough to SERVICE A TOWN so you'd think he'd be just fine but he still can't "Build Up" a punchline while I'll just "Go For The Jugular/Juggler" to kill this CIRCUS CLOWN!!broken multi set here..wit circus clown being 3 syllables.. hurts the rhythm of the bar here.. second line here again too wordy, when i read it my mind keeps expecting another multi set to lower the line count..and keep flow.. i couldve said your whole bar like this... this guys the 'biggest joke' wit enuf WORTHLESS ACCOUNTS to SERVICE A TOWN, so if ya try 'tossin anything' to HURT ME IN ROUNDS, i'll 'go for the jugular' like some CIRCUS HAS FOUND another PURPOSE FOR CLOWNS..

I'm a classy island killer but when I say my lines'll "Wrap Around His Neck" or "Fold His Chest" I don't mean LEI'S OR LAPELS and he's deadly? nah only time he see's "Ass Ass Inns" is going to GAYLORD HOTELS!! again very overy long setups, waaayyy too wordy... you dont need 'classy island killer' shits just filler that doesnt really further your concept and seems to be just thrown in there to connect LEIS.... you couldve stayed simple and say 'wrap around his neck' , but i aint OFFERIN A LEI.. also the setup here was prolly your worse as far as relavence to your end punch.. what is the main idea here ? your ridiculing the fact that he thinks he's deadly... or that hes a faggit....so stick wit one of those ideas in the setup and follow thru... the end wordplay was very forced and got even more whack when flippin wit GAYLORD HOTELS..there is an actual gaylord hotel, which is a subsidiary of the marriot,and has absolutely no relavence to anything homoerotic.. prolly your worse bar here

he may talk about his "Shit Being Smooth" but that's just his BOTTOM LOTION and you beating me? please..."Don't Kid Yourself" like CONDOM SLOGANS!! this was a fairly decent short bar setup.. setup wise, wasnt feelin it much.. yeah its somewhat relavent cause translating it, your sayin that he claims to have a smooth verse, but he dont , so beating you is a fallacy.. this i get, but you couldve been alot more relavent and hit wit a stronger build.even wit short bar.. i'd have said think you 'got me covered'?yeah, only for the COST OF LOTION, so fuck ya NOVICE NOTIONS, cause them 'raps wont protect you' unless its a CONDOM SLOGAN/..

I'm Student but I ought a be TEACHING CLASS talking bout' READING MAPS cause I'll put a "Red Stripe Through His Center" like this costa RICAN'S FLAG!!this bar was aight, nothing major, straight and to the point.. plus he bit on the last tournament and to that there's no STEEP OPPOSITION everyone knows those lines you quickly "Ripped Off” without CHEAP CIRCUMCISION!! last line.this bitch wanna "DICK AROUND" Ri:can catch a beat down like that meltdown wit CHRIS BROWNlike the relavence in setup here, punch was weak and basic imo.. ripped off doesnt relate too well with cheap circumcision..you need to tie it to a closer relation that is still an entrende..closer was a let doWN here.. seems like you got lazy and rushed this one... i see where you were implyin ri =rianna.. but the wording made it pretty statementish and boring...

PUNCHES: 5.5 okay punchlines and concepts were okaish, they just werent too creative and out of box for my liking... not to say that you had alot of potential big hits, the wording took them down a notch,

PERSONALS:3 i saw one attempt at nameplay, and a rican flag reference which seemed more like an afterthought than a punchline... rest couldve been aimed at anyone..

MULTIS/FLOW/SCHEMEWORK: 5 wasnt bad, pretty decent , not too complex, just stay away from the wordy setup lines...

CREATIVITY/SWAG: 5.5 again, nothing really stood out to me.. almost paint by the numbers safe type of bars here... but they were fairly polished so slightly above average...

TOTAL:4.75 personals brought down what wouldve been a slightly above average verse here..ive seen you do some very good bars on occasion, but this one wasnt one of those efforts.. my advice is work on shorter more concise wording, and personals...

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