2013 GC RD.3 - Fidel Z Vs. Phroxen (Phroxen Wins 3-1 TKO)
 

This topical is part of the 2013 Topical Grand Championship

Topic

"No Regrets"

No Regrets

I feel a cold breeze run thru my body from an open door
My head is spinning, my stomach turning, and I’m laid out on the bathroom floor
My garden is full of broken bottles exactly where the grass is
My vision is blurry, ask Mary to hurry, to show me where I dropped my glasses
I shout her name; MARY! MARY! ARE YOU THERE MARY!?
I hate being home alone, I need Mary without her the atmosphere is scary
I gather whatever strength is left in me, holding on to the sink
I should’ve remembered the stains, but I’m too fucked up to think
I slip off the sink, hit my head on the ground, luckily I didn’t faint
This headache is so extreme; opening my eyes causes me pain,
All I remember was Mary saying “Stop! Drinking so much, you’re insane!”
My stomach feels like it’s being hit up by comets!
I feel something running up my chest, I hope I gotta burp cuz I’m sick of the vomit!
As it quickly travels up my throat, it turns out I had to burp, PHEW!
But little did I know, that this burp smelt like shit, and right after I Puked
Thank God Mary aint here, I don’t want her to see me like this, none of this shit is cute
She’d most likely dump me. I’d be drinking, miserably texting her, while she stays on mute
I hate this shit! I can feel veins pop out of my forehead; I’m at a terrible state of mind!
Why do I even go to the Pub with these fake friends of mine? It’s all just a big waste of time!
Wait hold on... I remember shanty had a nice batty, and another blonde chick she also had a fatty
And they both whined on me at the same time! And damn shanty new how to work it
Maria was taking shots with her girlfriends; she didn’t even notice me damn that was perfect
Come to think of it, last night wasn’t so bad! Damn dude it was actually worth it,
Yeah I feel fucked now, but it doesn’t last for ever, true it’ll end!
Foreal I don’t regret none of it actually, shit fuck it! Tomorrow I might do it again!

[Mary = Girlfriend]

No Regrets
 

Fidel Z: Good concept. Story was a bit scattered not a fluid stream of progression you know? The multis were ok some were great and some were a bit basic. Overall Decent Piece.

Phroxen: One problem was it took me to midway through to figure out what the story was exactly. The beginning was kinda shaky. But thats just me being nitpicky. Overall a really excellent verse though. Multis on point. Story was fantastic. It progressed smoothly. Usually I hate topicals that start and end on the same stanza. But in this case it worked well cuz the first time you read it you think what the fuck does that have to do with this then by the end you figure out how it relates very well done. Overall both worthy of the 3rd round but only one can move on.

MVGT: Phroxen

One's topical was good in the idea that it took something that seems to happen to a lot of troubled people today and he really built a back story behind it quite nicely. Multi structure wasn't too rigid here, which I like, and the story seemed to progress well from start to finish.

Other's topical kind of confused me in the beginning, but as I started to get in to the story a little bit more, it started making a little bit more sense, but then, at the very end, it confused me again. Even though the multi structure was a little more strict than your opponents, I still liked it because it continued to flow smoothly and it didn't effect the story either by forcing a multi set.

Overall, Fidel Z has my vote.

Fidel Z: I've lived your verse a few times in my Life, Lol. I feel like your rhymes & concepts were a little basic, you could definitely do better. Imagery was decent when you set up the bathroom scene & the club scene. However, there wasn't much Multi usage & I feel like you could've written a better ending. He could've lost his main bitch over dancing with 2 hood rats? I woulda ended it with his Girl coming home, seeing the two bitches from the bar naked in her bed & spazzing out. Nobody regrets a Ménage, Lol...

Phroxen: Once again, a court-house setting. I just read Dono's topical which revolved around a crooked Judge. My topical was a Closing Argument in a Murder case. I guess great minds think alike. Nice alliteration & imagery, you definitely painted a vivid picture of what led the protagonist to that Court room. I would've liked to have known why the murderer killed his daughter. Was he a pedophile? an Assassin? was it a random act? But that's my only criticism of your verse. I think your verse was much deeper, conceptionally. Your "No Regrets" theme seemed more valid, & emotionally relevant than your opponents. Which gave you the nod

Vote: Phroxen

I enjoyed both reads.
Fidel I had a few issues with yours. Overall the story was pretty good, progressed decently, but the length of the lines made the flow mad choppy. I felt like you were having difficulty conveying the points with less words so you spaced it out a bunch. Also the overall concept wasn't that original, the story itself was but alcohol/drug related topicals are common.

Phroxen, yours was a tad more original, had better imagery and flowed a lot smoother. In terms of story, I felt that shit escalated quickly, like there was a jump between calm and high paced. I liked how you repeated the start at the end, I do that myself a lot for effect.

Overall Phroxen's piece was a little more complete when it comes to topicals.

MVGT: Phroxen

Upping for formatting.