I dream nightmares of moments remembered,
rendered helpless
because there are so many of those moments i choose not to remember,
my mind surrenders to lenders of opinion,
but my heart leads me onto a forked path..
the ownership of a scorned past,
but treasured revelations of myself and who I am..
as regrets begin to unfold..
i'm told by whispers ,
that softly bode the errors of my ways,
relations taken for granted for periods of time,
and i'm so quick to run away,
my fears outweigh opportunity, and i wonder.
why even bother?
i'm so scared of myself
and hurting those i allow to sip at my essence,
i choose to lock myself away to prevent any illnesses..but why?
i know i carry a heart of passionate reasoning,
ultimate kindness that
those caught unaware can only see in me..
I wear a mask of insecurities,
yet breathe them openly into polluted skies..
how many times have i cried
through sleepless nights and weary days,
even the sun burns away my desire
to be apart of this world,
and the night hides me in its silence..
it is best for me to be a lone..
to trudge through this path of reflection
until my steps are steady,
chin up and back straight..
for how can i be anything to anyone
when my worth is as rich as the
dust that settles in rays of sunlight..
floating with no purpose..
just there to exist...
to show others
that when they breathe me in,
they breathe filth..
impurities..
I desire to have God's spirit show through me..
but until i know i'm strong enough,
i fight this battle of me myself and I alone..
until I allow Him to fully cleanse me,
and find the strength He has blessed me with
to be strong not for others...
but for once for me.. |
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