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Pseudo Nim
vs
Starwalker
Style: Written
0 Votes
Pseudo Nim
vs
Starwalker
Style: Written
0 Votes
PeaceandLaug...
vs
Bnas
Style: Freestyle
1 Vote
KDOTCARTER
vs
PeaceandLaug...
Style: Written
1 Vote
FightsAndRap...
vs
PeaceandLaug...
Style: Freestyle
0 Votes
KDOTCARTER
vs
Mizz Ammo
Style: Freestyle
0 Votes
SF Ghost
vs
KDOTCARTER
Style: Written
2 Votes
MRS RAPPER B
vs
SF Ghost
Style: Freestyle
1 Vote
Occam
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FightsAndRap...
Style: Freestyle
2 Votes
PeaceandLaug...
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Bnas
Style: Freestyle
0 Votes
1mp4l3d
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mister jon f...
Style: Freestyle
1 Vote
PeaceandLaug...
vs
Bnas
Style: Freestyle
2 Votes
KDOTCARTER
vs
PeaceandLaug...
Style: Written
1 Vote
KDOTCARTER
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PeaceandLaug...
Style: Written
0 Votes
KDOTCARTER
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PeaceandLaug...
Style: Written
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General Verse Feedback Thread.
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General Verse Feedback Thread.
Discussion Tools
02-04-2014
09:50 PM
Babylon
Got a verse you want some help on? Post it here, I will do my best to critique it and give you advice on how you can make it better.
02-10-2014
04:32 AM
Saxx
Phase one verse:
Only way you'd 'get a girl wet' is if you DROWNED HER IN A BATH! Going against Sax?Well thats BOUND TO BE A LAUGH!?! Call the police! This criminal's not quite mastered using a multi SYLLABLE RHYME YET! "Don't worry I"ll school you dude" and get you up to scratch in MINIMAL TIME YEP! Your funnier than watching a 'black man' eating BANANAS your a broke joke dude- only thing you got worth stealing is ya 'bat man' PYJAMAS! This dude's crew rhymes "WHORE WITH" WIT "FORFEIT" ima givem some advice then leave this battle and IGNORE IT!!
02-18-2014
02:28 AM
Babylon
dropping a feed on this soon
02-18-2014
09:32 AM
Saxx
Wicked...thats the unfinished version which I sent to bnas but he didnt respond..
Every time I look back on a verse I feel I jumped up a level since then.
02-18-2014
12:23 PM
Babylon
Only way you'd 'get a girl wet' is if you DROWNED HER IN A BATH! Going against Sax?Well thats BOUND TO BE A LAUGH!?!
I feel like this bar could have been a really hard hitter if you choose to continue it a little bit and add another punch like the "get a girl wet" portion of it. All in all, this wasn't bad in the slightest it just seems too pre-executed and has a bit of an unfinished look in the way you abruptly ended it.
Call the police! This criminal's not quite mastered using a multi SYLLABLE RHYME YET! "Don't worry I"ll school you dude" and get you up to scratch in MINIMAL TIME YEP!
I would have cut this, personally. The multi was alright, but I feel that every bar should either have outstanding examples of flow/wordplay/multi's or a hard hitting punchline to close it. This is more on the light side, and doesn't hit hard enough to be a memorable bar.
02-18-2014
12:23 PM
Babylon
Your funnier than watching a 'black man' eating BANANAS your a broke joke dude- only thing you got worth stealing is ya 'bat man' PYJAMAS!
Even though this is a three syllable multi, the one word multi's usually look just as basic as one syllable multi's. I would really cut this bar though, there isn't any relevance of "bat man" in the rest of the bar to set up the punch so it looks really out of place to have the punch as that. If you are keeping this bar, I'd advise you up the multi count & add some relevant set ups so the punch is more well-executed.
02-18-2014
12:41 PM
Babylon
This dude's crew rhymes "WHORE WITH" WIT "FORFEIT" ima givem some advice then leave this battle and IGNORE IT!!
Once again, the rhyming was just fine with this bar (3 syllables is just average, though) but the lack of a punchline made it seem basic & light. You're getting rhyming down pat quite well, and I'm happy to see you improving now all we need is to continue working on rhyming as you continue but start focusing on metaphors/wordplay/punchlines to make your verses seem structurally sound & hard hitting. Good shit, keep posting fam.
02-18-2014
01:33 PM
Saxx
It was quite a tame verse an I knew bnas wasn't good at text
I'll send some more soon
07-26-2015
04:31 PM
Homeskool
This is from my currently voteless battle with Psyco_Delic, pointers appreciated:
You're a DELICacy; bruv, your rhymes are FOOD. YOU FAKE. If you're "PSYCO," then I'm Alfred Hitchcock: I'm directing every MOVE YOU MAKE. If Delic a' tessin me, TEARS'll be SHED. Wait, "delicatessen meat?" You're just HERE for the BREAD. Don't pretend you're SHOOTING TECHS. Your rounds are fake: this my MOVIE SET. You think you a player? You run from "THE BIRDS" You get "vertigo" then you mumble THE WORDS. I've got a "suspicion" you steal from your FRIENDS, G. But sneak in my "rear window" and you'll meet a "FRENZY" I'm killin your HOPE; no need fo gats BANGIN. I just need a "ROPE" . . . and with that I'll leave you HANGIN.
08-03-2015
12:06 PM
Babylon
You're a DELICacy; bruv, your rhymes are FOOD. YOU FAKE. If you're "PSYCO," then I'm Alfred Hitchcock: I'm directing every MOVE YOU MAKE.
Good bar, nice creativity & a good concept. The opening jab was pretty basic, but it was a jab. Even still though, try to up the creativity of your jabs like this a bit, either way not a big deal at all. Only real issue here with the rest of the bar is that your rhyming ability is kind of hindering your execution.
Structure your multis more creatively, this is the easiest thing in the world if you already have the capability to write dope concepts (which you do.)
basically, just start off with what you have then think to yourself "Could I make this more complex in any way?" and create different multi sets with it until you find one that not only matches complex standards but stays fluid and dope. Shit like this:
I'm diRECTING EVERY MOVE YOU MAKE!
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