|
No education but can comprehend locations; I’m safe when inside,
Never fought with anything yet beyond my residence; lies a dangerous life,
nice transition and tha diction is nice, location inside residence life... all dope diction..
It’s plain to see the pain and grief, why would anyone ask to be entering that?
I’m almost dead in here and as the entrance nears, that terrible land strengthens its grasp,
the first part was mehhh.. i like tha entrance nears part but the terrible land could have been worded differently,,, change the terrible land to somthin else maybe a diff word for terrible. throws off the mood/flow.
Outsid e, I picture it as imprisonment, the aura of my sentence surrounds,
I know I’ll scream out loud but now I feel pinned down and attempt to kick out,
this was dope... the sentence surrounds diction was nicely worded, the pinned down went nice with the imprisoned theme the kick out was nice ... dope shit
In the war; I’m startled and feel impartial, just a civilian in military,
Its a hornet’s nest so I enjoy this warm caress, out there; a chill of hostility,
In here, I’ve been learning; that each person is just signage of death,
Looking to that penitentiary and must descend eventually, but need my timing correct,
Although, chance is a foe as circumstances unfold and I’m forgetful of timing,
The outside strengthens its case taking what kept me in place, my protection a tyrant,
Tonight it happens; I take decisive action, my heart beats persistently harder,
Alone there’s no chance, so the world sees me with cold hands, which assist the departure,
Since leaving I have seemingly had a life where I’ve been looking at death,
Physically open, yet my eyes are closed, if it was my control…I wouldn’t have left.
the rest you were sorta got to the point,, the mood changed a bit, same premise but diff mood, it was a nice drop... the second half wasnt as strong as the first but overall a strong 8. good shit
Rated: 8
Posted on: 2011-01-17 17:07:40 
|
Battle Feed
