Nice spar gents. One was stronger in all catagories unsurprisngly. Welcome to LB Focus. Fairs in. 1/

Nice one 

Focus, mad respect for challenging heavyweights. With that being said, you have to improve in two key areas: 1, your structure, and 2, your punchlines.

Improve in structure by using symbols or caps to put emphasis on your rhymes. That way, it helps the reader know what to focus on in the bar. For example, I've started this strong, behold the one god could have been:

I've STARTED THIS STRONG one SPARK FROM THE SAWWED would leave him dePARTED WITH GOD

If Strong and God were your two rhymes, then rhyme more than one word and use caps so that the rhymes themselves stand out from the rest of the bar.

2nd, your punches need work too. Instead of simply rhyming, add in some intellectual bits and pieces like Rican did here: Why he 'bugging' like a LOCUST, NOW? the rhyme/capped words were LOCUST NOW, but he related that to you bugging of course...this is called a set up to a more impactful, serious rhyme that's to come later on, thus being a punchline.

Just some basic tips for you. Rican, dope drop and some nice ideas throughout.

MURDER.

Thanks for the tips man, I'm new here so need to really know how to give it to the audience, thanks for the positive comments guys, I'll step up my game. Love to y'all

well this was a nice little bout here. good stuff Rico that focus out line was real neat and also the BOTB for me the rest of the verse was nice too but conceptually not too fresh which you know too lol focus your verse a little to basic to stand a chance in a text battle brother. prolly in a freestyle you would have killed with it but in text ur given time wether you choose to use it to your advantage or disadvantage is a choice that needs to be made wisely with the sole purpose of pushing your limits wholistically man. you had real naturaly flow to your lines but punchline wise i just couldn't find anything mad as such.

leaning with Rico here.

fv bsa ........................................................................................................................................................................................................................