#RedCloud

edging this to zakwon, he had better flow n the right time to use multis. DT was good too but his flow and structure was a bit off

FVC Entry Vote:

ZaKw0n

I think you started off pretty good here with the first punch. I don't think everyone would know that DT stands for Detective, but that is factually true and so it is a fine set up for the bar. However, I think the hebrews/Rabbi bar is really out of place coming off the heals of the detective/cop/crime scene play. The wordplay of He Brews/Hebrews works both ways grammatically here, which is a plus. So, a fairly decent start but from this point is where I think you just went a little bit crazy with the name flips and ideas. You started the next bar OK coming back to criminal, but the FICTIONAL TALES COME WITH THIS broke the multi flow a bit, and the end payoff punch has a few issues with it. One, is that TV's don't ONLY come with ficitonal tales, they feature lots of non-fictional content as well. This may seem a bit nitpicky but I think it does discredit the bar a bit. Also, I don't know anyone who would refer to a digital television as a DT. Sure, technically they are called DTV's, so that MAY have been suitable but just DT was a reach and unnatural. Next bar wasn't BAD perse, but i think plain/plane as a WP is super duper played and simple. Also, why did you have to mention DT again? At this point it is feeling really repetitive to the reader as DT has appeared in every bar so far. The last bar I think was one of your best/better lines. It flowed properly, had a good multi count, and was sort of simple but effective. Defensive tackles are absolutely called DT's and Warren Sapp is one of the most well known ones, so this bar connects well. The issue to me, is that you've mentioned DT in every single bar so far and so by the end of your drop it is feeling really stale and beat down. Name flips can be good when done right, but you really want to try and bring some variety to entertain the reader and showcase your skill. I think JUST having the Warren Sapp, or the crime scene bar flipping DT would have been the way to go, mixed in with some other bars about different topics. Skill wise I think you're really solid and have good technicals with flow and WP, but I think you could try and clean up the multis, add some flavour to your concepts, and spice up your Wp's just a tad more to really show the skill. I graded your verse a high 5.

Da Real DT

I was really feeling how you opened this battle. You came out and set the tempo with a set up punch (with both multis) appearing in the first line. You then displayed skill by using inner rhymes (rumble the dude, W-2) to carry your second line into your punch on FEDERAL TAXES. I do think the federal taxes line was a bit wordy, as "file" didn't really have a double meaning or anything super clever to it and probably didn't need to be present. Still a solid take on the concept though and the rhyming was clean. I like how you keep coming after this line with another line containing 2 multis, but the wording was a bit off to me. HURL ITS YOU AND ME just didn't seem super natural, but wasn't horrible. I wasn't especially feeling ths squirrel punch, but it was ight. By comparison, i still liked it more than say the digital television line from ZaK, so comparatively you were able to get by with it. I think the ending to your verse was pretty decent. Not a fan of the Hallow Weens word play, but it was tied together in a cohesive manner that made the pay-off stick. I would contest that the fact you used a 3 syllable count multi here really hurt you, and could be costly in future battles. I wouldn't go with anything less than 4 in a text battle generally. I gave your verse a low 6 as it was pretty consistent but unspectacular. 

So DT wins this for me simply by bringing more variety and making a few less mistakes in this battle. I think Zak edged it on the WP probably but DT was smoother with flow and multis, and brought a more consistent and cohesive verse punch wise. Fair's in.

Hmmmm ok ok Zak your Multies is all over the place man go back to basics I think is the way forward your over complicating and extending them which is fucking with the flow for me the puns and concepts are cool that Hebrew line was nice but you shoulda ended with that as the warren sapp was weak .... DT ... kept it basic but it flowed well and had some nice highlights in there that Louie v line was nice made me laugh again closer wasn’t all that for me .... I’ve gotta vote for he cleaner verse here I think I’ll probably vote opposite to the win on this but that’s because I’m being critical and I know Zak can spit better than this .... it’s in .. .:X:. 

Both were a bit wordy and seemed forced at times but my winner has cleaner punches which resulted in more impact. My loser had some good concepts but the flow was off imo. Fairs in ladies.