Ops ✊🏽

expo:

GUY FAWKES' RIGGED SOUTH - guy fawkes tried to blow up tha queen's palace ... "splinter group" - when a 3rd party breaks off from tha main organization, in this case him being "chopped wood" fallin from a tree ... CIRCLE THA DRAIN - when someone's close to death ... .OPS.

lol i mean guy fawkes tried blowing up tha parliament ...

why?

Aggo <ThePen> Tag Team Champion

Hed:

Opening pinch was ok. No relevent setup to it hurt any impact. 2nd bar: probably your best use of multis but lack of any double entendre or other element left it lacking. 3rd bar: WITH OUT HES I TA TION/SOUTH RE CESS I TA TION. This is a broken multi and it reads awkward. Compare the syllables WITH/SOUTH OUT/RE so youre basically rhyming hesitation with susitation, it needs polish.next the caught wind/blow me thing had potential but the execution could have been better. Ditto shot gun pun. Heisman trophy bar was ok but that's a stiffarm, side arm generally refers to throwing a ball which the trophy isn't. Calico bar was my favorite of the battle. A couple little bars after that with another off multi set TANK TOP ON HIS FRO (5 syl) RAG TOP EXPLODE (4 syl). Closer was multi centric with a lil punch at the end, nothing crazy. 

Focus on setting up your punch with references and ideas that tie into that final punch for maximum impact.

MC: 

Generally your multis were pretty on point with the exception of the CIRCLE THE DRAIN scheme. It ends CHURCH TO PRAY. The syllable count is off. Could have been resolved with CHURCHES TO PRAY. Not a horrible offence but a quick proofread should catch that. 

Barwise, in general an expo is ok for some wordplay that might slip past a reader or a reference but you shouldn't rely on it to define something completely. I know who guy fawkes is but the sentance GUY FAWKES RIGGED SOUTH made no sense to me. After I read your expo I knew what you were trying to say, but the sentence was still unnatural to read. This seems to be a bit of a trend for you. Your wording is consistently wonky and it makes me need to first decipher what you are trying to say and after that I can decide if it was a good punch idea. And that hurt you in this battle.

Focus on: wording and readability. Your verse should make sense without an expo. Don't rely on one. Craft your bar to include enough info so the reader understands, and do that as simply as possible. This is hard and will come in time. 

fv vb

oh shit ya brought tha "real life battles" up hahaha lmaooo

Both went ham...felt mechanic was more direct and hard hitting on personals and punches...kg flow was nice but felt like a couple bars reached too far...far enough he even explained them in the comments respect to both fair votes in...no h8 vote back.

This was a very decent battle from two new comers. Nice shit to see tbh. I think my winner was more polished here, had his multies matching more while my loser had a couple of broken one's. Also his concepts were better executed. A problem for both would be wording, some things were typed that I personally never heard someone say before. Work on that and you guys would've been bumped up a rating. Fairs in, good luck. 

hed mechanics style is all over the place but also super high quality at the same time, threw me off in its unique style. You had some broken multis in your opening bar which cut momentum instantly and set the bar low but then had a literal perfect 12 styllable multi in the middle haha. Really out of the box ideas & a slick execution. MCKG came with a more traditional approach setup>punching. Dicked the opening scheme by not carrying on the BROUGHT/FAWKS portion of the multi with some baseline wp. Heated up after tht, some quality complex wordplay and okay-to-pretty dope punch concepts. 

in the end i think one took this with a bit more fresh execution and unique ideas. Quite close

Wowwww both verses no homo??? lolol.  This was pretty damn nice i gotta say.  Both had some fresh creative shit in here.  fairly close on the punches but one had a smoother structure and scheme