vs Manhattan Expo: this the allstar tournament and he's in turnbull ACs so "a water reflection @ night is da only time u'll ever witness *a sea (AC)* & STARS-JOININ!". + don hattan is a car shop for the car company chevrolet Comment Only
Posted on: 2013-08-04 23:00:29

one had good concepts that wasn't worded or executed correctly the other had some stretched out lines which took frm some impact good battle but the fair is in ... Voted: Manhattan / Jewry Kane
Posted on: 2013-08-05 00:26:41

Expos: MacBook Pro is a type of laptop and of course Programming is what you do when your working w/ laptops but also when I bring out that Mac (gun) Book (run) Pro (his name) and if Pro Gramming (if prospect is selling shit) I already beat him once yet he thinks he's better than me so the last punch relates to cameras/me telling him to realize I'm better. The rest is self explanitory. Good luck Pro Comment Only
Posted on: 2013-08-05 13:58:56

Manhattan-Your first bar was a nice way to introduce the flow, but the heat/hot air balloon gun reference is a bit played. The next bar had some awkward wording. For example, you said "You'll be Running" (future tense) followed by "when you HEARD THIS BLAST OFF" (past tense). The mac book pro line was just forced. Granted, you meant to say "If I bring out that Mac, Book(run) Pro"...but then you said "if ‘Pro-Gramming’ like I WORK WITH LAP TOPS!" That was just awkward wording. In normal speech, you wouldn't refer to someone in second person and then third person perspective in the same sentence. Plus "Gramming" has absolutely no meaning. I read your expo and it apparently was supposed to mean he's selling his shit. Where in the world do they use "gramming" as a slang for selling? No offense, but it just seemed like a forced concept. Overall, I'd say I've seen much better from you. The metaphors were weak and the wording was shaky. prospectJS -I liked how you kept up the scheme initially, but those multies could have been matched up better. You had fragments that didn't have anything else to situate them in the bar other than the rhyme scheme. The chevrolet wp was forced because the way Chevrolet is pronounced sounds more like "chev row lay" than "chef row let". The don hattan/car show line didn't hit for me because I had never heard of don hattan, and even after reading your expo, it still seemed like such an obscure reference to use. You had some decent concepts, but they were missing relevant set-ups. Overall, this was a very close battle imo. I felt both could have came way better than they did. In the end, I felt one's writing process was a bit more polished. Fair's in. Voted: Manhattan / Jewry Kane
Posted on: 2013-08-06 10:32:16

The fair's in. Voted: Manhattan / Jewry Kane
Posted on: 2013-08-07 14:13:06