Good battle yo Comment Only
Posted on: 2013-08-04 11:32:22

GB...FV. Voted: xavierc33 /
Posted on: 2013-08-04 17:57:27

fv Voted: xavierc33 /
Posted on: 2013-08-05 16:15:36

xavierc33, I think you should only cap what rhymes. You capped your rhymes but you also capped some random words unnecessarily. Maybe it was for emphasis. But it actually affects the readability because most people on this site associated capped phrases with rhyme schemes/end of lines since lines usually end with the rhymes. So when they see words that are capped with no associative rhymes to follow up, it throws them off while they are reading your verse---which is NOT what you want. You want reading your verse to be as fluid and smooth as possible for those reading. I liked how you tried to attack him from a personal angle talking about his past battle and where he's from. But the punches need more complexity. You could say the exact same things but lace them with wordplay and metaphors and they will hit much harder. When you have free time, peep some battles from people who are highly regarded here and you might get some ideas on how to incorporate more complexity into your verse. Violent Scripture, not a bad verse but you could have hit much harder. Your readability was way better than your opponent's. The first part didn't have much complexity. It was basically responding to what your opponent had already said----which I'm not a big fan of cause its usually not done well and makes the person attempting the flip look passive and reactionary. in the second part, you came with some metaphors but I think they could have been better in this sense: for example, you said "your "text stinks to high heaven" like some PEE STAINED SKINNY JEANS". You get kudos for embellishing your verse with comparisons, but 'pee stained skinny jeans' isn't the most accurate or best comparison to 'text stinks to high heavens' that you could have made. A lot of things 'stink to high heaven', not just pee stained skinny jeans. You want your comparisons to appear custom made for each other...that's what makes your metaphor stronger. I'd say work on improving your metaphors and also try to include more wordplay as well. Keep elevating fellas. Fairs. Voted: xavierc33 /
Posted on: 2013-08-07 22:04:55