damn son Voted: Anonymous Hipster / The Dope Man
Posted on: 2013-08-04 10:21:06

Psh God fuckin damn. lol Didnt even realize i couldnt vote on this at first. Comment Only
Posted on: 2013-08-05 10:17:29

both good..... Comment Only
Posted on: 2013-08-05 15:37:54

To my winner you came out strong like a winner and finished strong like a winner you did ur thing thats all i can say To my loser you were definitely not bad you did good i gave you the loss because i felt like you were tryna do the same thing in your piece overall gb winner keep it up loser switch it up (GB) Voted: Anonymous Hipster / The Dope Man
Posted on: 2013-08-05 18:31:53

Anonymous Hipster-First thing I noticed was you were capping things unnecessarily. You capped 'THA DOPE MAN---PETER PAN---and NEVER LAND. Between those 3 phrases, the only thing that rhymed was MAN, PAN, and LAND. That should have been the only thing that was capped---ONLY WHAT RHYMES. Whenever you capitalized words, the audience is expecting to see corresponding rhymes in your next multi phrase and when they don't see it, they get disappointed. So only cap what actually rhymes. You had a few metaphors, but they were really simple and unfocused. You compared him to Bruce willis in Apocalypse, then Erin Brockovich, then you said you'd attack him like a panther and stack inside of him like cancer. It just seems like you were jumping all over the place. You could have taken any one of those metaphors (comparisons) and developed it further by giving it a relevant set-up. The relevancy will prove that the idea is focused and concrete and it will also make the concept register that much more in the mind of the reader. Along with that, I would also say make your multies more congruent. Make sure they match not only in major vowel sounds, but also number of syllables and distance between major vowel sounds. Tha Dope Man-I think it was a nice touch that you used internal rhymes throughout your verse. However, I thought they could have gone without the parenthesis symbols. Just the fact that they rhymed alone is sufficient for them to register as internals. They didn't need to be highlighted in no other way. Because when I see parentheses, I'm looking for a metaphor, wordplay or hidden meaning...and when I see that there is no extra meaning and you just put that there just to highlight the fact that its an internal, I feel like I just got sent on a wild goose chase. You had a lot of "like" metaphors (comparisons). I would advise you to start not only using other types of metaphors, but more complex ones as well. The "SeeThisHoe’/CEO" wordplay was forced and it sort of ruined that whole line. CEO sounds more like 'SeeHeHoe' not 'SeeThisHoe'. Basically, the highlight of your verse were the multies, both main and internals. Your actual pucnhes could have been a lot harder tbh. They were enough to do the job in this case, but when you face harder opponents, you're gonna have to step it up. Fair's in. Voted: Anonymous Hipster / The Dope Man
Posted on: 2013-08-06 03:40:15