EXPO: Steyr is an Austrian rifle used by our military. Comment Only
Posted on: 2013-07-26 06:31:22

"Dante's Inferno" is a book about Hell. Comment Only
Posted on: 2013-07-26 06:32:26

Better flow. Voted: Grimm- /
Posted on: 2013-07-26 07:40:47

Ok ok ok ... Some cool shit here from both one was trying that wordplay shit some successful others forced as fuck they need to work both ways some didnt ... And then you lost focus on the puns due to the wordplays but valiant effort I commend you for a yungin your doing well keep at it .... Nicholas ... Haven't read any of your shit before but that first line pahahaha B.A virgin concept was dope only thing I would say is throwing those inner Multies in can make you forget the the first Multi that goes with the last maybe reduce the syllables on them inners to help with the flow but to keep the first multi prominent in the readers brain ... But other than that solid verse .... FVC .:X:. Voted: Grimm- /
Posted on: 2013-07-26 07:54:34

one was chiming in w/ better hits, more creative and consistent. THV. Voted: Grimm- /
Posted on: 2013-07-26 09:20:56

No hate but i just don't like B.A 's style. Alot of his wordplay is too forced nonetheless i think he did better than Nicholas in every way. Fairs in. Voted: Grimm- /
Posted on: 2013-07-26 10:39:11

OK one had some good concepts going but didnt execute properly. alot of the use of wordplay had nothing to do with the punch or it was vaguely applied. Punches were more like jabs nothing real hard hitting. The other had some funny approaches at their opponent and some clever use of wordplay. Punches hit harder and definitely left me laughing at a few lines. My fair is in my winner gets the W with consistency and proper approach to the fundamentals But i know both can do better. Voted: Grimm- /
Posted on: 2013-07-28 15:51:04

both you al decent ha ha Voted: Grimm- /
Posted on: 2013-07-29 00:30:12

idkk Voted: Grimm- /
Posted on: 2013-07-29 01:57:42

Blood angel, u got some good potential in ur verse as u understand setups and concepts, just need to work on the execution and relevancy as someone once told me before, ur punches need to be set up by ur wordplay and backed up with strong multies which u have no trouble with as ur multies are on point with the right syllable count. good experiment with them wordplay. Highlight line was the "blowing the body in segment" line, however the setup weren't really that strong and it was too long to get to the punch making it not a hard hit... Also I notice u only fitted in 3 bars, try to shorten down ur bars and only keep relevant lines so u have room to fit in 4 bars therefore u can throw in more punches, I notice u wanted to elevate tagging me as one of the guys u wanna battle in August, that's why I'm giving u a long expo of what I can see from ur verse. Good luck...... Nicholas, ur first bar was kinda dope and funny at the same time thanks to ur expo on B.A. u should write ur inner rhymes in lower case like this though logged-in,-just-lurk ing/ dropped-by-a-virgin. ... this way the viewer can distinguish the main rhyme from ur inner rhyme, Next bar had a unique structure and it could be seen by some as broken multies but it's cross rhyming... Not very popular here in LB but can be effective, also that's a good wordplay n punch was aiiight, next bar was kinda strong too but I had to stop and re read it again to see how ur structure works, setup to ur concept is kinda nice... Last bar was a good finisher. To me the structure is a bit all over the place n confusing in the first read but I can see u what u trying to do. I prefer the simple structure like ur opener and closer.... Overall one had more flips, less force wordplay and slightly better flow. Fair vote no hate.  Voted: Grimm- /
Posted on: 2013-07-29 04:00:12