good battle respect to both..one had a better rhyme scheme and harder lines while the other was on the low average end...no hate...and KING P lol i've murdered Mokane before.son is bad at writin Voted: Joey Atlas / KING POSEIDON
Posted on: 2013-05-20 20:10:15

joey-first off, work on capping the right multi words, first bar you cappd women for no reason other than just because.scheme structure is off too, ex, is your bar wit the drivers/pliers as the end rhyme, then you went to loose wired which is too wordy to be a transitional to the next bar , so it basically looks like a extra line just floating around.wit out a following bar for it.. . next work on setting up your diss/punches, ex. your bar talks bout loosewired brains, then you continue decently wit the same idea wit references of the brain like neurons, etc.. then you end wit making fun of fat kids? plus the end rhyme was hella off, wheres the rhme to FAT KIDS? if your matching it wit FAST IT, then you shoulda capped both words,.. which still makes that bar look like a random one wit no companion bar.. heres how i wouldve re worded it... your flow is wack mainly cause ya brain is LOOSE WIRED, while my mind's so 'fast it SPEWS FIRE, and makes ya speed more like 'fat kidS' on bikes'.. slow and TWO TIRED../ Voted: Joey Atlas / KING POSEIDON
Posted on: 2013-05-27 02:47:09

KING-first off lose the asterisks, they make reading your verse awkward, cause me to pause everytime i see them, takes away the flow a bit.. next setups all feel like fractured ideas or sentences.... you need to sound more natural in your builds to the punch.. do you actually speak like this? ALL YOUR SPEECH SHOWS ME PHONY ACTS? or all your speech is showin me is how phony you act, also... I AINT GOT TIME FOR JOKE ENEMIES? what is JOKE ENEMIES? ask yourself again, does that sound like natural speech, or does it sound awkward when read... you need to take that type of stuff into consideration when writing up bars... multis were decent, but again, ideas are all over the place, lasst bar again made no sense.. how does him being a 'curse' relate in anyway to someone getting caught biting? work on better setups, and better concept/ similes relations... although i found one to be a bit more consistent in one area, the other seemed to have a more cohesive and cleaner verse... imo.. fairs in.. Voted: Joey Atlas / KING POSEIDON
Posted on: 2013-05-27 02:57:33

yo, ma winner jus showed me more here. both need much work, but for now i have ma winner based on jus an overall better verse. Um, hmu or assistance tho, i'll be down to help out. Holla/ Voted: Joey Atlas / KING POSEIDON
Posted on: 2013-05-27 19:52:13

one fell off at the end of i woulda gave it to em, the other i felt took this with more clever concepts, however i feel the flow needs to be worked on a little more, respectable battle, keep elevating Voted: Joey Atlas / KING POSEIDON
Posted on: 2013-05-27 21:35:58