This battle was actually pretty well a landslide here. One had some very played out concepts and problems w/ wordplay...Some of the schemes were flowing nicely but there was also some broken multis and all these things effected how smooth the verse read and how hard the punches landed. Need to work on the creativeness and correcting some issues w/ wordplay and the broken multis. Had a couple of nice lines though but were more jabs and not haymakers. The other had more creative concepts which then meant that there punches hit harder. A couple of played lines but other then that everything was pretty much on point and the multis were smooth flowing which mean the verse had more readability. Fairs in high to low Voted: Shezso Eu /
Posted on: 2013-04-05 14:41:55

Pretty one sided here IMO. Zan- Alot of your lines were played and you had some really stretched wordplay like pros-still-do....tha t was really forced if you're trying to say prostitute. You're wording was off at times and made the punch itself sound extremely obscure and really detracted from the impact. For example, you said the only time we'd see silver on your finger is if you WATCH lord of the rings. How would she get silver on her finger if she only watched it. Even without that bad wording I didn't understand how that line qualified as a punch. Unless silver around her finger refers to a trigger maybe idk, but either way that punch was severely lacking. You had some broken multies too that also hurt you in the end. Overall you need to brush up on wording, structure, and overall conceptual feel of your lines by polishing them up with setups or some type of relevance. Prince- Not bad to say the least. Your closer could've been better. Are you saying that he is incapable of getting a hard on? If so, it definitely should've been worded differently and/or continued with some anchoring concept to make the punch more relevant and overall more effective. I think you could've gone so much farther with that Kevin Ware line. It would've been so easy to come up with setups especially considering that that concept is well known PLUS you used a well known phrase (break a leg) You could've made some conceptual reference to stage acting or some shit like that. Same thing with that hold ya image line. In hindsight you had alot filler that you could've done away with, and instead you could've polished your 3 main punches with setups and schemes to make them ultimately more effective, instead those punches came off as more of a strong jab but really had no buildup to give it that wow factor. Overall, you also need to work on setups, cuz your punches are on point but you would be spitting more heavyweight shit if you put more thought into. Decent battle, my winner here just showed more raw ability as far creativeness and complexity, and kept it moderated as to not have the lines sound forced and stretched. Fair's in Voted: Shezso Eu /
Posted on: 2013-04-05 18:46:47

Damn that's alot......lmfao got carried away there. My bad Voted: Shezso Eu /
Posted on: 2013-04-05 18:47:18

I meant to say your opener could've been better. Voted: Shezso Eu /
Posted on: 2013-04-05 18:48:15