Dammit, I really wanted to battle. Fv guys. Voted: Jmoneyakagunshot / NatLaw
Posted on: 2013-03-09 14:31:21

fv Voted: Jmoneyakagunshot / NatLaw
Posted on: 2013-03-09 14:37:36

good battle bruh Comment Only
Posted on: 2013-03-09 14:50:51

fv Voted: Jmoneyakagunshot / NatLaw
Posted on: 2013-03-09 14:51:38

fv Voted: Jmoneyakagunshot / NatLaw
Posted on: 2013-03-09 15:55:55

one verse needs help with structure, that will determine the flow and direction of ur intended punches..flow in the multies can appear as filler as ive notice lately..conceptual filler is ok if the rhyme scheme and syllables match..didn't see n e actual punch but sum lite wordplay in there jus wasn't enuff to win this..other verse had more structure but the set up n sum parts the reference to was more a self diss than n e thing..work on wording and a punch multi multi punch set up..easy and effective til u eoevate more..other than that wut was constructed in ya verse was ok for a win.. Voted: Jmoneyakagunshot / NatLaw
Posted on: 2013-03-09 16:09:21

fv... Voted: Jmoneyakagunshot / NatLaw
Posted on: 2013-03-09 23:11:42

Vb Voted: Jmoneyakagunshot / NatLaw
Posted on: 2013-03-10 12:24:52

fairs in Voted: Jmoneyakagunshot / NatLaw
Posted on: 2013-03-10 15:06:47

gb Voted: Jmoneyakagunshot / NatLaw
Posted on: 2013-03-10 17:40:04

legit - not a bad drop. had some broken multis throughout the verse and i can see that u made an attempt to incorporate concepts, they may not have been the best, but it was good that u tried. nat - u have a decent flow but i didnt really see much in terms of punches, u held ur multi count nice at the start but if u cant get a punch in there then its wasted. votes in Voted: Jmoneyakagunshot / NatLaw
Posted on: 2013-03-10 18:51:23

Nothing great on either side. Winner here is barely edgin it with punches that held more substance. Had some really played concepts and sketchy wordplay but enough to graze by. Loser was overly simplistic in both the lines and the multi scheme. Monosyllabics are the epitome of basic. Something that you both need to work on is structure, for every line only use a comma to seperate (,) and then after your done with a multisyllabic scheme use (/) so it's more readable. Using a slash after everyline puts a bump in the legibility and slows down the momentum so just keep that in mind. Both need to do some elevatin but keep battling. Fair's in. If you need further expo or tips just pm me. Fair's in Voted: Jmoneyakagunshot / NatLaw
Posted on: 2013-03-10 20:36:15

just wanted credit Voted: Jmoneyakagunshot / NatLaw
Posted on: 2013-03-11 13:59:24

thank you for the feedback guys Comment Only
Posted on: 2013-03-11 19:37:05

OK NOT A BAD READ HERE, 2LEGIT FLOW WOZ NICE BUT TRY AN CAP ONLY THA WORDS YOUR RHYMIN AS IT CAN BE CONFUSIN AT TIMES WHEN TRYIN TO UNDERSTAND HOW YOUR GETTIN YOUR BARS ACROSS, ALSO THA WORDPLAY YOU USED IN YOUR FIRST LINE THA 'ACARPOUS' (a corpses) DOSENT WORK BRO COZ THA WORDS DONT SOUND THA SAME AND YOU CANT TURN '1 GUY' INTO 'A CORPSES' (a corpse is 1 corpses is 2) 'SEX DRIVE' FOR 'OTHER GUYS' LINE MADE ME LOL AND THA TURTLE RACE PART MADE ME CHUCKLE, YOU DO NEED TO ELEVATE BUT THA POTENTIAL IS THERE........NATLAW' s OPENIN BAR WOZ VERY FUNNY AND MADE ME LOL, YOUR FLOW IS HELLA ON POINT THA VERSE IS A LIL ELEMENTARY IN PLACES AND OF A HIGHER SKILL IN OTHER PARTS SO YOU DO NEED TO WORK A LIL ON CONSISTANCY, ALSO THA WORDPLAY YOU USED DOSENT WORK 'FILAMENT' AND 'FILL HIM HIM' IS CLOSE TO BEIN A WORDPLAY BUT THA WORDS HAVE TO SOUND EXACTLY THA SAME 'FIL-A-MEN-T' AND 'FILL-HIM-IN' (see what i mean?),.....BOTH OF YOU PLEASE DONT TAKE THIS AS HATE IM JUS TRYIN TO HELP WITH SOME CONSTRUCTIVE CRITIQUE, GOTTA BE BETTER THAN JUS WRITIN 'FV' OR 'GOOD BATTLE BRUH' lol......ANYWAY AS FAR AS A CONTEST ONE DID TAKE THIS WITH A MORE SMOOTHER READ AND SUPERIOR BARS AND CONCEPTS.....FAIRS IN...peace Voted: Jmoneyakagunshot / NatLaw
Posted on: 2013-03-12 14:37:02

FV IN Voted: Jmoneyakagunshot / NatLaw
Posted on: 2013-03-12 14:48:04

Thanks everyone for the feedback, I needed that. Comment Only
Posted on: 2013-03-12 18:04:15