fv Voted: Erim E / Babylon
Posted on: 2013-03-02 12:03:42

Expo: The four horsemen of the apocalypse are Conquest,War,Famine, and Death. Oh and E where did you start to rhyme because where im reading it the first 3 sentences had no rhymes at all... Comment Only
Posted on: 2013-03-02 12:19:30

e Voted: Erim E / Babylon
Posted on: 2013-03-02 12:43:04

EE: Allright homie, you got a some work to do. The first rhyme I saw in your verse was about halfway through (game/claim/same), Then you had some stretched slants (breathless/actress) . Look, this is rap and the first rule of rap, is rhyme. Until you start forming multisyllabic rhymes, you are gonna have a hard time in this arena. You tried to use some metaphor comparing him to a game but it was extremely simple. You need to come up with concepts that will intrigue and surprise the reader. You attempted a little wordplay with cry sis, but that was stretched by adding "now" in the middle, and even if you hadn't done that, it would have been uninspiring and mundane. Overall, this verse was extremely weak. There are threads in the forums that will assist you in understanding the fundamentals of how to work with concepts, set-ups, and punchlines. I suggest you take the time to read them. Voted: Erim E / Babylon
Posted on: 2013-03-02 15:35:17

Crysis: See no ones STANDING WITH ME because I DAMAGE EMCEES try to act touch bitch i'll pull the fucking roots out of your FAMILY TREE...this opener is pretty weak. No real concepts here, your not using a set up to build to anything. Just some standard dissing that isn't doing any damage. Try to think of a concept and a punchline, then use a set up to get you there. As is this bar is disjointed and ineffective....I'm a sick combination of the four horseman, so i'm on a "conquest" to bring "war" and cause "famine" to BRING YOUR "DEATH",I can SEE YOUR STRESSED My minds a weapon so I don't have to shoot at you for you to be BLEEDING LEAD...you started to come with some sort of a concept here, (conquest,war,famine ,death)these things are semi-related but you didnt use them in to do any real damage to your opponent. In fact, your bars are so disjointed, its hard to tell where one concept ends and the next begins. Its just a kind of jumble of standard disses...I'll WRING YOUR NECK so nervous you can't even write don't worry there's not a chance you'll win so why BE DISTRESSED. 8 BARS AND HES DEAD, I'm ADOLF WITH THE PEN because I burn faggots daily im STRAIGHT RAW and just MURDERED HIM...you had a little hint of a set up and a concept here with the hitler and burning faggots, but you didn't end with a punch. Try to incorperate some wordplay or some interesting concepts to keep the reader on their toes. You did enough to win this spar but not a great verse. You have an idea on how to string multis but need to continue to work on improving the quality. Keep elevating guys. Voted: Erim E / Babylon
Posted on: 2013-03-02 15:44:40

Yeah better multies and flow took this one as well.. Crysis i already told you what you need to work on in a different battle of yours... Erim, cap your multies, provide 3-6 syllable multies, provide fresh concepts that are converted into a punch and set up that punch with a reference or metaphor that relates to your multies/punch... If a tip list is wanted then ask... Voted: Erim E / Babylon
Posted on: 2013-03-03 19:00:42

sick Voted: Erim E / Babylon
Posted on: 2013-03-04 09:18:39

winner here had a lil more complexity in his schemes, little else tho, loser ,very basic disses, very poor endrymes that barely rhyme..smh.. loser work on your fundamentals in rhyming, first and foremost. winner, try to match your multis a bit better , work on similes and concepts, to produce harder hitting punches.. pm if you need helpfairs in....... Voted: Erim E / Babylon
Posted on: 2013-03-05 03:11:12

not bad one had jus a little bit better of a read to me Voted: Erim E / Babylon
Posted on: 2013-03-05 10:02:08

fv Voted: Erim E / Babylon
Posted on: 2013-03-05 10:51:28