nice hot lines from both.. but i liked the comback more.... Voted: Byall Means / Symba
Posted on: 2012-12-14 07:10:06

Both could use some work but one took it indefinitely. Means you came in pretty hard with multies but you kind of fell of towards the end. Your rhyme scheme went kind of whack and using the same word twice, unless its imperative for the punchline, I highly advise against it (ie Aids results....Great results. Unnecessary repetition.)You ended a rhyme scheme on an odd line. After steak knives you need one more rhyme with that to complete it but you neglected to do that so it lost effect and you kind of fucked up your verse after that point. Not only that but you started ANOTHER rhyme scheme and didn't complete it "Increase the heat' you only had ONE line with that rhyme scheme.You did that like four more times.Estrogen, Bitchin. You had some interwoven rhymes within to rhyme with those endings but to reinforce your punches I advise 2 lines AT LEAST.Also your punches, though they hit hard with multies (at least at the beginning,) they aren't very powerful with the concepts. You need to be more complex but its all good you're heading in the right direction. Now Symba when you're rhyming if you want to look good make sure that last rhyming word either is A)Multisyllabic (more than one syllable) this makes rhyming skill more impressive or its B) A phrase that is also multisyllabic. Using one syllable is way two simple and is not efficent when it comes to punches. Make sure the multies are 3-5 syllables and they all match up. Some of your punches didn't make sense as well like Your santas grotto. I don't think you know what that means. And like I said to Means you broke ALOT of multies (i.e this year and you queer..Only the last syllable rhymes instead you could've this year and bitch queer or something like that) You need to work on concepts ass well ( Your ammo can't hit me cuz I have a shield...That was pretty weak) and make sure to double check before you send in a verse cuz you had a few typos like the first line 'leave you I'll dying'... It detracts from the effectiveness. But keep working hard and get elevate. Fairs dropped Voted: Byall Means / Symba
Posted on: 2012-12-15 15:21:35

Damn that's long as fuck I didn't realize lol I still advise you read it lol Voted: Byall Means / Symba
Posted on: 2012-12-15 15:22:46

thanks Fayz, I just joined a couple days ago for a few laughs, never written any raps before, but that's great advice, thanks for taking the time to type all that! Comment Only
Posted on: 2012-12-15 16:21:29

fv Voted: Byall Means / Symba
Posted on: 2012-12-15 18:51:26

Appreciate the feedback Fayz! It was gettin late and I knew my ending was pretty lame and weak and was hoping that the strong beginning would make up for it so I wouldn't get a loss over it. Anytime u see one of my battles plz vote and give me constructive criticism on em cuz u seem like a fair dude... Real too! Comment Only
Posted on: 2012-12-16 01:09:04