San Quin's Prodigy .. SuckFree Comment Only
Posted on: 2012-08-23 12:48:20

yhall need more work Voted: chavito / ZAPATA
Posted on: 2012-08-23 13:19:49

okay CHAV- i like the fact your throwin in similes, but you need to make them a bit more clever, because they come off sounding very basic, holdin me like a glock? really weak fam... try to bring a clever twist to it.. ex. holdin me like BALLOONS TO HELIUM.. ya multis/ endrhymes were basic as well,, if it aint more than 2 syllable endrhymes, dont waste your time cappin. imo.. ZAP.- fairly decent verse, complex multis, concepts were fairly decent, a bit basic metas, but used more correctly.. my winner here just had a more polished verse..fairs in.. Voted: chavito / ZAPATA
Posted on: 2012-08-24 04:15:26

nice Voted: chavito / ZAPATA
Posted on: 2012-08-24 08:59:56

chavito---You pretty much rhymed one syllable the whole verse. Not bad timing and flow, but adding multiple syllables would have greatly enhanced that. You should also try to avoid capitalizing words that don't fit into the rhyme scheme like "PEE WEE HERMAN" "PUNCHLINES" or "CHAVITOS" because once you cap them, most readers will be looking for terms within your line that also rhyme with them and when they do not see it, it impacts the readability. You also should make use of metaphors and wordplay to add complexity to your verse. Let someone more experienced look over your verses and show you how to incorporate them. ZAPATA---Righ t away, you showed better use of multi-syllables than your opponent. You also had slightly better flow. I'll give you props for attempting wordplay and metaphors as well, especially since your opponent essentially had none, but to be perfectly honest, they were rather clumsy and could have been a lot better. For example, you compared leaving 'prince' assed out to "Harry naked pics". The 'prince' reference didn't seem relevant to your opponent...it only connected to Harry and saying "Harry naked pics" sounded awkward cause that's not how people normally talk. Nice touch using internal rhymes in the next line. The orgy wordplay was worded into the next line awkwardly and could have used a stronger metaphorical reference to really make it pop. "Let ya shine hang from a line like traffic lights" was decent. It would had hit a lot harder with a more relevant traffic-related set-up though. Your closer also didn't have a real punch or set-up. Overall---O ne needs work in a few areas and the other needs work in all areas. Fair assessment. Voted: chavito / ZAPATA
Posted on: 2012-08-25 04:12:37

a pretty 1 sided battle here. the loser, im guessin is new, and was very basic. i can c how u tried to incorporate wordplay into ur drop, but u didnt really pull it off. read ur drop 2 urself b4 u post it, if it dnt make sense then get rid of it. check out battles from more experienced members n c how they construct their verses. the winner displayed some nice control of their multis which led to a few nice punches. i felt ur setups cud have been constructed better in parts and be made more relevant to the punch - not a bad effort tho. votes in Voted: chavito / ZAPATA
Posted on: 2012-08-25 09:50:57

^^^^ my bad, 4got to vote up there lol Voted: chavito / ZAPATA
Posted on: 2012-08-25 09:51:43