fv Voted: Slithz / The Dope Man
Posted on: 2012-07-25 23:22:06

SLITHZ : Your opener was far from strong.. You need to working on your wording cuz its hard to understand and i take where your from into consideration but honestly it doesn't make sense to me.. You lacked set-ups which kept your execution/punch from being strong and also your multies had a mismatched syllable amount so make sure your multies syllable count is the same line for line.. Your next bar (crazy ass fool/crybaby at school) was very weak... The concept was horrible and the use of the same word in multies is not good... You used baby twice, dont do that.. and also make sure you cap what needs to be capped and dont cap unnecessary things such as cry, only cap what rhymes and make sure you provide strong set-ups cuz they help pack a strong punch... Your next bar (like a ghoul/out of a fuel) also had a horrible concept and another thing dont talk about yourself in a text battle, attack your opponent with punches and show more complexity with your bars... Creativity is helpful and also you need to adjust the flow of your verse and your wording needs to be more proper cuz it seems like your adding words that you dont need and forgetting words you do... Your next bar (spike in a pool/like a mule) once again the multies had mismatched syllables so work on that and try finding more complex concepts to use cuz that will definitely help you out... Your closer was very weak due to the lack of complexity... Try taking a look at some of the vets battles to see what I'm talking about... Throughout your whole verse you lacked complexity, set-ups, good concepts, your multies were off, and your execution/punches were weak so basically it was all filler... Also work on your wording and try providing us with some aabba type of schemes cuz they help with the flow................ ...... BLUNT MAN : Your opener was very basic... The concept is very played but it had a nice little flow to it... Your set-up could of at least had more relevance to your punch, it would of made it stronger but for now its basic and if not basic then below it... Your multies were cool but could have more syllables to them and also try showing more complexity.. Your next bar (shits tight/bitch light) was filler imo cuz there was nothing to it and you weren't really going anywhere with it or it can be considered as a weak punch but in my eyes its filler... It would of hit harder with a set-up or even inner rhymes... Your next bar (hurlin fire/curling iron) was cool... Your multies were a little off though but your set-up in the curling iron line was executed nicely but theres always room for improvement and tbh the concept seemed to be out dated and your choice of words could have been better but it had a nice flow to it... Just try being more creative... Your next 2 bars(through a saw/through a straw) were very basic... There was nothing to them but flow... Your set-ups were weak and was your execution... Dont use the same words in your multies like you did with the word through and like i told your opponent, dont talk about yourself just attack your opponent.... Your closer was ok... I wasn't feeling the bum line cuz the concept is played and the wordplay is mad played but the Ireland line was cool but could of been worded better and also a nicer set-up would have made it even stronger.... You need to work on complexity and staying consistent with strong punches... Overall this battle was kind of ok and fairly easy to pick a winner... Votes based off of better concepts and stronger punches... Voted: Slithz / The Dope Man
Posted on: 2012-07-26 02:50:01

One wording made it hard ta make out the lines,set ups not bad,one was flawsles &the curlin iron lime did it for me fairs in return vote Voted: Slithz / The Dope Man
Posted on: 2012-07-26 03:40:00

Slithz: First Of All Your Wording, As In Making Sense With Your Content Was Off To A Bad Start. Don't Try To Oversimplify Your Bars. The Whole "Light You Up And Smoke You Up" Bit Was Extremely Basic, And Borderline Childish (No Hate). The Next Bit Of That Punch Was Equally As Basic And Equally As Worded Badly. It Sounds Like Your Just Making Words Rhyme And Don't Understand What A Bar/Multi/Punchline Is. I Don't Want To Overwhelm You Though So For Now Just Work On Rhyming Longer Words And Wording Them Better. For Example: you Blunt Man? well you'll your name treatment when you get SMOKED UP then I'll leave with holes leaking fluids like a sponge when it gets SOAKED UP! See Just Try To Think Of Better Ways Of Dissing Your Opponent While Rhyming The Last Words Better. The Rest Of Your Verse Was Pretty Much The Same So I Don't Really Have To Go Into Detail. The Last Line Was Probably Your Best One Because It Made Sense But It Wasn't Really Creative. Again, Try To Word It Better And Just Make It Seem Like Your Talking (So Don't Leave Words Out) And Rhyming At The Same Time. Overall I'mma Give You A 4 For Slightly Below "Not Bad" And Feel Free To PM Me If You Need Help In Any Of This Text Stuff Man. You'll Get Better Overtime, This Is Actually Better Then When I Started On Here. BLUNT MAN: Opener Was Alight, Weak Concept But The Multi's Lined Up And It Shows You Asked Him To Battle You For The Easy Win. Next Line Was Weak, I Got The "Shits Tight Line" But It's Like Your Not Even Trying To Demolish Him, Just Talking Shit. Nothing Really Creative So Far. Next Line Was Confusing At First, What Does Beefing With Mariah Have To Do With A Curling Iron? Or Hurling Fire?? The "Head To Your Head" Bit Was Okay, Played Out Though But It Still A Punchline. Next Line Was Your Strongest But That's Not Saying Much. The Sense/Cents Shit Is SUPER Played Out Mayne, Don't Do It Again It Just Makes You Look Bad At This Point Even If You Are Battling People Below Your Skill Level (Slightly). Finisher Was Weak, How Are You SOLD Outta Luck? That Doesn't Make Sense, I Get What You Were Trying To Say But You Didn't Word It Correctly. Overall I'mma Give You A 5 For Not Bad. You've Got The Basics Down For The Most Part Now Just Work On Being More Creative With The Punchline And Having Less Filler In Your Lines (Like The Last Line). Battle: Overall This Was An Okay Beginner Battle Both Of You Can PM If You Have Any Questions And I Expect Both Of You To Have Better Lines Next Time You Battle. -Student Voted: Slithz / The Dope Man
Posted on: 2012-07-26 15:09:08

fv Voted: Slithz / The Dope Man
Posted on: 2012-07-28 03:34:01

Yo. GB Voted: Slithz / The Dope Man
Posted on: 2012-07-28 09:54:52

Fairs in, Fuels out. Voted: Slithz / The Dope Man
Posted on: 2012-07-28 17:28:40